The Power of the Introvert

I've always thought there was something wrong with me. At least that's how people always treated and continue to treat me. "You're too quiet." "Why are you so shy?" "What's wrong, you're too quiet..." on and on and on. I'm not quiet because something's wrong and I'm not really all that shy. I just don't care to fill every moment of every day with endless, pointless chatter. I can't do it, I don't like it. That's that. I can be socially awkward (to some people), but in my head, I'm just trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible so I can have some peace.

People don't seem to understand the desire to be alone and quiet. I don't know if it's an introverted thing or just me, but I like to do things on my own, I set my own goals and all I need is my own satisfaction to get me by. I don't need constant encouragement (sure, sometimes I get down, I am human after all, but I don't need someone always patting me on the back, pushing me along my 'path' to my calling).. Others can't seem to understand that.. "What helps you do better?," I'm asked, and I just want to say, "Leaving me the hell alone makes me do better," but of course, that's not the answer they are looking for. They want me to say something that allows them to be needed, allows them to get involved. Sorry folks, that doesn't work for me, it just pisses me off.

All this group stuff can be thrown in the garbage for all I care. I loath working in groups or doing group activities that make me feel as if I'm in elementary school all over again. Every environment I've ever been in is geared toward being a social extrovert. Someone who needs social interaction to get the juices flowing. That's why either in school or work, we have never-ending meetings about one thing or another, spending two hours talking about something that could have been done in five seconds. I sit there, grind my teeth, predicting everything that is done or said, listening to them all repeat themselves over and over again, and pray to God it's over soon.

I get that there are others who need that social interaction, but there are those, like me who think better in the quiet and can't even fathom coming up with a decent idea with all the chatter going on. One is not better than the other, they are just different, and if I can see that, why can't they? I've gone so far as to explain it to some people and they still look at me funny like I have a disease or something. I'm starting to believe extroversion equals narrow-mindedness, based on what I've witnessed time and time again.

I wish, I SO wish that those around me would realize that they aren't the only types of people in the world. You can't treat everyone based on the same kind of personality traits.

Emotions ~ Real or Not Real?

To be human is to feel ~ or at least that's the way I look at it. I call it 'raw emotion,'  that moment when you are stripped of your masks, titles, sarcasm, whatever it may be and are completely vulnerable to your surroundings ~ if not completely vulnerable, then absolutely revealed. I'm reading World War Z, and I came across an 'interview' that talked about Paul Redeker, the crazed but genius man void of all feeling. "Paul Redeker always believed, well perhaps not always, but at least in his adult life, that humanity's one fundamental flaw was emotion." This guy suppressed everything and looked at any situation with a severely logical eye, taking sympathy and worry out of the equation. Kill thousands of innocent, uninfected civilians? If that means solving the problem, then he was all for it. He didn't care the cost of his plan because he knew it would work. He was called 'emotionless,' but how true was his hard-earned title? Another quote from the book states, "Redeker's lifelong jihad against emotion was the only way to protect his sanity from the hatred and brutality he witnessed on a daily basis." That sounds more true than being an empty shell lined only with practicality.

I think about a few other characters that try to hide behind their actions or their strength, and it always turns out they are the most sensitive of human beings. Jeff Lindsay's Dexter Morgan, Amanda Hocking's Remy King... These are characters that have experienced the worst and do whatever they can to steel themselves to the reality of their memories... We can't keep from feeling ~ it's out of our control no matter how different we'd like it to be...

So, *emotion* ~ real or not real? Definitely real.... those who try to act as if they don't possess that quality which makes us all human are those that feel the most, hurt the worst, and fall the hardest.


~ Keely ~

Apocalyptic Worlds

I'm in zombie mode right now.. or end of the world mode... Yeah that sounds a little weird, even to me, but I've surrounded myself with it lately, and not on purpose. I read Article 5 (check out my review here), while simultaneously reading Hollowland, plus I can't get enough of The Walking Dead on AMC. I don't know if it's because it's 2012, "the year of doooooom! mwahahahaha,"  or if it's just because the idea of the world as we know it coming to end is starting to come to the forefront of everyone's mind ~ especially those in entertainment ~ but apocalyptic shows and dystopian novels are all the rave. Things are changing, there's no denying that. Prices are skyrocketing making are stagnant paychecks smaller and smaller every couple of weeks. I don't believe in zombies, but I think a change in the way we live is definitely possible. I'm not all about the 'doomsday' obsessed cults that are out there now, picketing about the end of life as we know it (instead of getting some smarts to prepare for what they so kindly predict for all of us), but I do think it's important we learn to depend on ourselves... Who knows what the heck could happen?

(Doesn't really do 'the look' justice ~ but if you've seen it, you get it)

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about revolves around episode 9 of The Walking Dead ~ "Triggerfinger." They are already gearing up for episode 11 (I think.. I don't know, I have a Roku minus cable), so this is nothing new to those who are fanatics about the show. I wanted to write about Rick and what's happening to him. Shane's already fallen down the looney tree and hit every branch on the way down, but Rick ~ solid, big-hearted, hold-on-to-your-humanity-Rick ~ is getting closer and closer to that point. Or is he? I'm wondering if he is inching closer to the truth of human nature in a world that requires ruthlessness or if he is getting further away from it. He shot the living without even blinking, something I never expected from him...and the look on his face right before the credits started rolling told me something significant had morphed inside him...

So about this thing we call 'human nature...'  what is it? Is it compassion or is it survival? Is it a little bit of both?

I'm gunna think on it and write my answer a bit later, but I want to know...

What do you think?

~ Keely ~

The Joy of Art

Lately, I've been in the creative mood... It's consumed me to the point that I can't think of anything else... I can barely stand to be at work, and my poor little house is in desperate need of a good scrubbing.. I think this obsession is a good thing.. Someone must be trying to tell me something...

This past weekend, all I did was paint or draw.. Saturday I made myself a pot of coffee and began my discovery of acrylics.. I worked from 9 am until after 4 pm, only breaking to shower... Once I was 'finished' (it's not done yet!), I felt like I had run a marathon.. a few sips of Jameson later, and the nervous aftershock of all that concentration finally dwindled... and although I felt like I had been hit by a semi, I couldn't have been happier...

I still love my writing, and will continue to stick with that as well.. in my opinion, as you might have read in a previous post, it's just another form of art... but there's something to be accomplished here...

Thanks for *listening* to me ramble :)

~Keely~

Sudden Obsession

I've always loved to draw, doodle, paint, and just create .. well, anything. But, for the past year, I've been focusing on writing and reading. I have my book blog, Realms of an Open Mind, which will be shutting down this week due to the fact that my hosting term has expired and I can't bring myself to pay for another year when there are free ways to blog. Veryyy tough decision.. but what's helped me through it is the fact that I've got this new fervor for art. I don't know exactly what happened... My pops gave me a gift card for art supplies for my birthday, and once I had that newly sharpened charcoal pencil in my hand, it was all I could think about. I'm not sure what, but something in my brain, heart, or soul ~ whichever you like ~ was triggered and I'm a drawing/painting fiend now. My only regret is that I have a day job that gets in the way (and is becoming more and more demanding), but I just see that as a challenge to work harder in order to get away from it ;).

So enough of my random rambling... If you'd like to visit my shop on  Etsy, please click here and just take a look. I'm working on my first acrylic, which came from a dream... yeah, that's how obsessed I've become ~ I'm even creating in my dreams...

The Many Faces of a Writer

I recently posted a quote by Jasper Fforde on my other blog, Realms of an Open Mind, and it goes like this:

“After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more.” 

I guess it gave me a sense of pride as a reader because it does take imagination to be able to take something literary and turn it into a physical world. A lot of people ask me how I can read so much, that they get bored, or they don't have the patience for it, and I guess, yeah, it does take a certain kind of mind (not a better one, so don't get offended!) to be able to read in the quiet for hours at a time.

Books are like movies to me, better even. I can see it playing out in my head as if there is a screen behind my eyes and the book is projecting the images. It's hard to explain, but I barely see the words ~ just the actions and emotions they create.

However, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the value of the writer as good ole Jasper does. After some thought, I don't think it's true that readers should "reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more." It may take a specific breed of mind to read unrelentingly, but a reader has one face, one mind ~ a writer has dozens, hundreds, thousands of faces.

The writer, no matter age, gender, background, race, or point-of-view, must wear many hats and be able to project multiple personalities in a way that is believable. They have to play the role of an older, motherly lady at the same time that they construct a witty, sarcastic young man with a flaring temper. Not an easy feat when you have to take yourself outside of your own mind and put yourself in dozens of different shoes. The thought makes my feet hurt (hopefully, one day I'll be more flexible), but somehow there are some writers who can build up so many different viewpoints and personalities and make us believe it all to the point that we become infatuated with the characters and the story. They can see any situation through a number of minds and pairs of eyes, and they have a mind open to every possibility.That's a good writer.

 

“People hide their truest nature. I understood that; I even applauded it. What sort of world would it be if people bled all over the sidewalks, if they wept under trees, smacked whomever they despised, kissed strangers, revealed themselves?”  ~Alice Hoffman, The Ice Queen

This is probably my favorite book of all time. I read the entire thing in one sitting ~ completely captivated :)