The Power of the Introvert

I've always thought there was something wrong with me. At least that's how people always treated and continue to treat me. "You're too quiet." "Why are you so shy?" "What's wrong, you're too quiet..." on and on and on. I'm not quiet because something's wrong and I'm not really all that shy. I just don't care to fill every moment of every day with endless, pointless chatter. I can't do it, I don't like it. That's that. I can be socially awkward (to some people), but in my head, I'm just trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible so I can have some peace.

People don't seem to understand the desire to be alone and quiet. I don't know if it's an introverted thing or just me, but I like to do things on my own, I set my own goals and all I need is my own satisfaction to get me by. I don't need constant encouragement (sure, sometimes I get down, I am human after all, but I don't need someone always patting me on the back, pushing me along my 'path' to my calling).. Others can't seem to understand that.. "What helps you do better?," I'm asked, and I just want to say, "Leaving me the hell alone makes me do better," but of course, that's not the answer they are looking for. They want me to say something that allows them to be needed, allows them to get involved. Sorry folks, that doesn't work for me, it just pisses me off.

All this group stuff can be thrown in the garbage for all I care. I loath working in groups or doing group activities that make me feel as if I'm in elementary school all over again. Every environment I've ever been in is geared toward being a social extrovert. Someone who needs social interaction to get the juices flowing. That's why either in school or work, we have never-ending meetings about one thing or another, spending two hours talking about something that could have been done in five seconds. I sit there, grind my teeth, predicting everything that is done or said, listening to them all repeat themselves over and over again, and pray to God it's over soon.

I get that there are others who need that social interaction, but there are those, like me who think better in the quiet and can't even fathom coming up with a decent idea with all the chatter going on. One is not better than the other, they are just different, and if I can see that, why can't they? I've gone so far as to explain it to some people and they still look at me funny like I have a disease or something. I'm starting to believe extroversion equals narrow-mindedness, based on what I've witnessed time and time again.

I wish, I SO wish that those around me would realize that they aren't the only types of people in the world. You can't treat everyone based on the same kind of personality traits.

Emotions ~ Real or Not Real?

To be human is to feel ~ or at least that's the way I look at it. I call it 'raw emotion,'  that moment when you are stripped of your masks, titles, sarcasm, whatever it may be and are completely vulnerable to your surroundings ~ if not completely vulnerable, then absolutely revealed. I'm reading World War Z, and I came across an 'interview' that talked about Paul Redeker, the crazed but genius man void of all feeling. "Paul Redeker always believed, well perhaps not always, but at least in his adult life, that humanity's one fundamental flaw was emotion." This guy suppressed everything and looked at any situation with a severely logical eye, taking sympathy and worry out of the equation. Kill thousands of innocent, uninfected civilians? If that means solving the problem, then he was all for it. He didn't care the cost of his plan because he knew it would work. He was called 'emotionless,' but how true was his hard-earned title? Another quote from the book states, "Redeker's lifelong jihad against emotion was the only way to protect his sanity from the hatred and brutality he witnessed on a daily basis." That sounds more true than being an empty shell lined only with practicality.

I think about a few other characters that try to hide behind their actions or their strength, and it always turns out they are the most sensitive of human beings. Jeff Lindsay's Dexter Morgan, Amanda Hocking's Remy King... These are characters that have experienced the worst and do whatever they can to steel themselves to the reality of their memories... We can't keep from feeling ~ it's out of our control no matter how different we'd like it to be...

So, *emotion* ~ real or not real? Definitely real.... those who try to act as if they don't possess that quality which makes us all human are those that feel the most, hurt the worst, and fall the hardest.


~ Keely ~

Apocalyptic Worlds

I'm in zombie mode right now.. or end of the world mode... Yeah that sounds a little weird, even to me, but I've surrounded myself with it lately, and not on purpose. I read Article 5 (check out my review here), while simultaneously reading Hollowland, plus I can't get enough of The Walking Dead on AMC. I don't know if it's because it's 2012, "the year of doooooom! mwahahahaha,"  or if it's just because the idea of the world as we know it coming to end is starting to come to the forefront of everyone's mind ~ especially those in entertainment ~ but apocalyptic shows and dystopian novels are all the rave. Things are changing, there's no denying that. Prices are skyrocketing making are stagnant paychecks smaller and smaller every couple of weeks. I don't believe in zombies, but I think a change in the way we live is definitely possible. I'm not all about the 'doomsday' obsessed cults that are out there now, picketing about the end of life as we know it (instead of getting some smarts to prepare for what they so kindly predict for all of us), but I do think it's important we learn to depend on ourselves... Who knows what the heck could happen?

(Doesn't really do 'the look' justice ~ but if you've seen it, you get it)

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about revolves around episode 9 of The Walking Dead ~ "Triggerfinger." They are already gearing up for episode 11 (I think.. I don't know, I have a Roku minus cable), so this is nothing new to those who are fanatics about the show. I wanted to write about Rick and what's happening to him. Shane's already fallen down the looney tree and hit every branch on the way down, but Rick ~ solid, big-hearted, hold-on-to-your-humanity-Rick ~ is getting closer and closer to that point. Or is he? I'm wondering if he is inching closer to the truth of human nature in a world that requires ruthlessness or if he is getting further away from it. He shot the living without even blinking, something I never expected from him...and the look on his face right before the credits started rolling told me something significant had morphed inside him...

So about this thing we call 'human nature...'  what is it? Is it compassion or is it survival? Is it a little bit of both?

I'm gunna think on it and write my answer a bit later, but I want to know...

What do you think?

~ Keely ~